![]() ![]() So we can recognize loaded words when we hear them. ![]() ![]() As Sandberg unveils in her editor's letter, that's the idea behind Ban Bossy, the campaign from and the Girl Scouts to highlight the way language dwarfs the leadership ambitions of women and girls. The solution is to talk about how we talk. "How can we achieve equality if we discourage the very qualities that help a woman get ahead?" Be feminine, but not too feminine," says Facebook COO and Cosmo Careers editor Sheryl Sandberg. "It creates an impossible double standard: lead, but don't lead too hard. Had they exhibited the confidence required to run a program, you can imagine what they'd have been called. They "were seen as being pushovers, not somebody to run a program," said the authors. All had equal qualifications, yet the letters described the women as "helpful," "kind," and "sympathetic." Men were "confident" and "outspoken." The women were less likely to get hired. Researchers conducted an analysis of letters of recommendations for male and female candidates for junior faculty jobs. Men are the opposite.Ī study at Rice University crystallizes how this double standard plays out at work. Women are sensitive, nurturing, communal - mothers, not leaders. Lurking behind this language are deep-rooted expectations about how we expect men and women to behave. So it is that reporters declare Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer "crazy" and "too tough," while Amazon's Jeff Bezos is "audacious" and "determined," a "rare leader who obsesses over finding small improvements." (In female terms: micromanager.) Justice Sonia Sotomayor, according to The New York Times, "has a blunt and even testy side," while Antonin Scalia is "colorful" and "provocative." A woman leader is bossy - the man is simply a leader. But when a man does it, he's strong and decisive. When a female boss makes a demand at work, she's bossy. And they are totally different from the words for men with the same characteristics, as linguist Robin Lakoff first documented nearly 40 years ago. These are the words we use to describe women who assert power. "If you're running for office, in the running for a job, or even trying to negotiate a raise at work, people having a positive image of you is fundamental."Ĭall it the ABCs of the office: Aggressive, assertive, angry. "These words are destructive because they communicate a negative image of the leader," says Tannen. Even if the woman in question is confident enough to shrug off being called a bitch, the name-calling changes how everyone else perceives her. And as a woman climbs the corporate ladder, the data shows that men and women like her less. and whether we think they're supposed to be there.Īfter her bid for mayor of New York City, Christine Quinn was described in exit polls as "bossy," "petty," "mean," "self-interested," and "combative." Jill Abramson, the first-ever woman to head The New York Times, was described in a Politico profile as "condescending," "stubborn," "uncaring," "not approachable," "brusque," and "impossible." From Madeleine Albright ("bossy") to Ruth Bader Ginsburg (called a bitch by her law-school classmates), women in power have "long been punished for exhibiting qualities of assertiveness," says historian Barbara Berg.īut how many fewer women will decide they want to be president, mayor, or editor after seeing how people treat these women? Studies confirm that girls avoid leadership for fear they'll be labeled bossy. So calling Hillary a bitch - or even referring to her as Hillary (why do we think we're on a first-name basis?) - tells us something about the way we perceive women in power. "Language reflects the cultural beliefs of a particular moment in time," Tannen says. And yet when it comes to getting more women into leadership roles, our words matter. It flows out of our mouths, and sometimes we regret the words later. ![]() Most people don't think much about language, Tannen says. Deborah Tannen, a linguist at Georgetown University, has written half a dozen articles on what she calls The Hillary Factor - the double bind that affects "unfeminine" female leaders - and has spent decades studying how the way we speak contributes to it. Whether she was deemed too ambitious to appeal to voters or not experienced enough for the Oval Office, the woman who could yet be president was - and remains - a case study in the way we use language to reinforce stereotypes. McCain replied, "That's an excellent question!"Ĭlinton had heard it all before. "How do we beat the bitch?" she asked, to chuckles all around. In South Carolina, a woman asked Republican presidential candidate John McCain about his opponent, Hillary Clinton. It was the moment on the 2008 campaign trail that went viral long before Texts From Hillary. ![]()
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